chess

you know i have to admit that i get tired of the bullshit that encompasses much of this life. aggravation. i get tired of the fact that we are paying for sins that occurred forever ago. i.e. Lucifer's fall from grace, Adam and Eve fucking it up in the garden. seriously?? its not like you can lie to God. so on and on it goes the children paying for the sins of the father because they couldn't pull their heads out of their asses. Not that i guess there is much i can do about it except bitch. well that's not entirely true.

i can make damn sure (to the best of my ability, which isn't  much.) that my mistakes don't trickle down the family line. which being human, its damn near impossible. But I am not alone, with the help of the ones i love and yes, with the help of God it is not unattainable.

we are told from the very beginning that we are broken, flawed creatures. doomed to rot in the darkness that eats all things unless we chose a side. accept our forgiveness and you get to go home. don't and you have to go to a burning pit of absolute suffering and horror etc etc etc...that lasts forever. which if that's your selling point its a wonder more people aren't flocking to church to get the "get out of jail free" card.

this would be my selling point "what have you got to lose?" seriously....you believe which turns into faith and accept your forgiveness/repent and yes you do it on a daily basis and after you have lived all the years you were granted the day you were born you get to go home if not, hell has plenty of room. but say you believed and had faith and then you die. finished. nothing else happens. you are no more. well you wont know it anymore because your worm food. so once again what do you have to lose?

this is the rub. accepting your forgiveness is not a magic wand. at least not down here. yes once your are forgiven God casts your sins as far as the east is from the west. yes i do believe that. but we still have to deal with the fallout from whatever stupid choice we made, but with your forgiveness firmly locked within you the fallout its not nearly as rough to walk through. But people, with that damn instant gratification that we all want from the moment we are born, walk away. fall away. come up with some asinine reason to not go or believe.

personally some days i think those people are cowards. (me included) because when you have faith you are naturally rocking the boat. you are taking a stand. you are saying with your soul that this is the side that i choose. this is the path i choose to walk. and quite frankly the world is not kind to believers, of anything. if you believe than you are a fool. and if you agree, than you are more lost than i am, and i'm pretty lost.

I'm OK with that though. got some nice scenery on this path. but i digress.

my point is, one of many, that even with faith i still get tired of the bullshit. of waiting. of feeling like a damn pawn in a chess game that started eons before God cast me into this world. and no i don't have any guilt about that. If God is big enough to make all of this then He is big enough to handle my frustrations.

secondly, we may be "broken", "flawed" creatures, seemingly unable to step into the light but we are perfect in all of our imperfections. we carry within us that divine spark, that word that God spoke, when all of this came into existence. we are worth it.

thirdly, i still have faith, i still have hope. maybe that makes me a fool, but if you could look back at some of the fashion choices i made in the past then you would know i have no issues being a fool. i will gladly keep my faith and "foolishly" hope that this is temporary. this life, in its present state, is not forever. that yes even the bullshit will fade and maybe someday this damn chess game will finally end and we all get to go home.